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The joy and pride of marriage is obvious and that is the fundamental reasoning behind the united family where husband, wife and children live together in harmony. This marriage is the supporting pillar for the Indian nation's culture. In the Indian culture, life together for a man and woman as husband and wife begins only after the wedding.
Marriage has been defined since the vedic period and rigorously followed ever since. Wedding function is considered as the biggest occasion in one's life. To make the occasion very memorable, the wedding is normally celebrated on a grand scale. For a man and woman, marriage is the stepping stone to start sharing their lives with each other. Therefore, marriage is an important milestone in one's life.
Though marriage is the beginning of the life together for a man and woman, this is a sudden turning point in the life of the girl. In order to create much enthusiasm in the girl's mind, and to make the transition in her life easy, marriage is celebrated on a grand scale, like a festival.
Wedding function consists of a series of rituals. Instead of making the wedding function as a routine ritual performance, they have made it more colorful and enjoyable for both the bride and the groom. The function includes i) exchange of garlands, ii) pidi sutrudhal (throwing colorful rice balls after taking them around the couple three times - symbolic gesture to ward off any evil eye on the beautiful bride and the groom), iii) nalangu ( a fun filled evening for the bride and the groom, in which both of them play with each other like kids, joking at each other etc). This is mainly to reduce the inhibition between the groom and the bride. This, incidentally provides an opportunity for the audience, invitees to the wedding, to make fun of the groom and the bride. Nalangu function is done in different fashion depending on the family and geographical tradition.
In the western countries, marriage is considered for satisfying sensuous pleasures (Chitrinbam). But in India, marriage is considered as the first step towards attaining Perinbam. [Perinbam -reaching the feet of The Lord or liberation from the worldly bondage- is the ultimate aim of every soul.] A happy marriage is a fresh start of life with all sorts of good things for the man and the woman.
Vedaas define wife as a good friend (Pathnihi (wife) sarvasya mithram). Vedaas say that among the couple, there should be mutual trust, give and take attitude (adjusting to each other), and loyalty. These are the three essentials for a happy married life.
A man's life is said to be divided into four aasramas (stages). They are 1. Brahmacharyam, 2. Grahastham, 3. Vaanaprastham and 4. Sanyaasam. Gauthama Maharishi (the great sage Gauthama) says
"Yadhaa Nadhi Thadhaa Sarve Saagareyanthi Samsthitham
hathraivaasramanas Sarve Grahastham Yaanthi Samsthitham "
This verse says that whichever direction the river or a tributary flows, it should finally end up in the ocean. Similarly, the people in various stages(aasramaas) of life depends on the grhasthan (a married man) for their sustenance. That is because a brahmachaari and a sanyaasi should eat only through alms offered by a grahasthan. They should not light a fire for cooking.
When you do yaaga or yagna, you offer the havirbaagam (offerings) in the fire for the devaas. Even this havirbaagam can be given only by the grahasthan. This means that even devaas depend on the grahasthan for their havirbaagam. Such is the merit of the married life.
In ancient times, marriages were not arranged by the elders. A man and a woman fall in love, like in the modern society, they start living together in harmony, trust and loyalty. They vow to stay together for the rest of their lives. It was just an agreement between the two of them and nobody else knows about it. As one can expect, in some unfortunate instances, the man leaves the woman after some time contrary to his promise. Since there were no witnesses for their sacred union, there is none to question or reprimand the culprit. This sort of behavior from men eventually increased the burden on the society. That is the start of celebration of the marriage on a grand scale in the presence of friends and relatives, who potentially become witnesses to the occasion. Poet Tholkappier says
"Poyyum Vazhuvum Thonriyapin
Aiyer yaththanar Kaaranam Enba"
Just to stop the injustices mentioned above they started to perform the marriage functions publicly in the presence of a large gathering of friends and relatives. Rig Veda says that there are eight types of marriages. They are:
1.Braahmam, 2. Praajaapathyam, 3. Aarusham, 4. Daiveekam, 5. Asuram, 6. Gaandharvam, 7. Raakshasam and 8.Paisaasam.
1. Braahmam: The parents chose the right spouse for their daughter and gives away the daughter in a wedding function. e.g., Sri Padmaavathi Kalyaanam.
2. Praajaapathyam: Groom wants to marry to become a grahasthan for doing dharma. e.g. Sri Raama marrying Sita.
3. Aarusham: A man realizing that he cannot function by himself without a wife, approaches the girl's father to give away the daughter to him. In the his own crude way,the man offers two cows in exchange. (What a bartering system?!?)- Thank goodness! there was no women's lib then or probably that was the time when women's lib movement started!
4. Daiveekam: When yagna is done, kings offer their daughters as Dakshinai (fees for the conductor of the yagna for the services rendered) to the rishis who conduct the yagna. e.g., Maharajah Romapada offered his daughter to sage Rishyasringar.
5. Aasuram: Give a lot of money or other forms of wealth either to the girl or her parents and marry. e.g., Maharajah Chandanu married a fisherman's daughter, Machagandhi, by promising to give his kingdom to her would be born son.
6. Gaandharvam: A man and a woman falling in love out of lust and then getting married. e.g., King Dushyantha marrying Sakuntalai.
7. Raakshasam: Abducting the girl and getting married. e.g., Lord Krishna marrying Rukmani.
8. Paisaasam: Getting married to a girl when she is sleeping or unaware of what is going on (like under the influence of drug or intoxication).
Though there are different marriages as mentioned above, the way the marriages are celebrated in modern days follows a procedure described in Rig Veda's tenth Mandalam and 85th Sooktham. This 85th Sooktham mentions how a man called Soman invited Aswini Devaas when he married Suryai. Many manthraas (chantings) in a marriage used at the present time are seen in Rig Veda. Therefore, the wedding of Soman and Suryai is the basis of all our wedding rituals. These rituals differ depending on the family and caste traditions. However, majority of the modern marriages follow most of the routines, as narrated here.
The main events of a modern day marriage consists of
1. Jaana Vaasam (inviting the groom),
2. Kaasi Yaathrai (Pilgrimage to Vaaranasi/Banaras),
3. Exchanging garlands,
4. Swing (Oonjal),
5. Maangalya Dhaaranam (Key Event),
6. Panikgrahanam,
7. Homam or Havan,
8. Sapthapadhi,
9. Looking at stars Dhruva and Arundhadhi, and
10. Mangala Aarathi.
A brief description of these are given below.
1. JAANA VAASAM
This is celebrated on the evening of the day before the marriage. It is the formal reception of the groom to the bride's place. In Tamil the groom is called a Maappillai. The function is called Maappillai Azhaippu (inviting the groom). In Hindi, the place where the groom stays (during marriage) is called Jaan Vaasaa. Thus in due course the whole function is named Jaana Vaasam.
2. Kaasi Yaathrai
This is symbolic in that the groom from the brahmacharya aasramam moves into grahasthaasramam. Many things restricted to brahamchaaris are allowed in grahasthaasramam, like wearing footwear, use of an umbrella, using cosmetics (like eye liners, fragrances etc.). So, during Kaasi Yaathrai, the groom is allowed to use all the things that are not allowed during brahmacharyam. This is also called "Samaavarthanam".
3. Exchanging Garlands (Maalai Maatral)
Normally, wearing the garland (lei) worn by some one else is not allowed. But, in a wedding, the man and the woman exchange their garlands - symbolic of that they have two bodies with one life from now on. The fragrance associated with the garlands symbolizes the inner fragrance of the groom and bride (vasanas) for which both have to adjust with each other. They exchange the garlands three times for emphasizing their symbolic gesture.
4. OONJAL (SWING)
The chains that support the swing, coming down from the ceiling, represent symbolically that this human body we have got is due to our Karma in previous births. Similarly, the swing's motion forward and backward tells the couple that they have to be strong together in life at times of both upward and downward movement in life.
5. MAANGALYA DHAARANAM
Maangalyam is called as Thali in Tamil. Thali is made of two syllables. The first syllable Tha and the second syllable Ni represent that Than veru Nee Veru Alla (i.e., you and I are not separate. We are in this together). This Thani in colloquial usage became Thali. When the Thali is tied around the neck of the bride, they normally put three knots. The three knots symbolizes Brahma, Vishnu and Rudhra.
Thali is of two types. The first type has saw tooth at the bottom and the second one has a semi-spherical shape. The second one is called a "Pottu". They also call it as Tortoise Thali, since it has a shape of the back of a tortoise.
6. PAANIKGRAHANAM
Before the practice of Maangalya Dhaaranam, Paanikgrahanam used to be the main event of the wedding. In this the groom and the bride hold their hands in public. By holding the hands in public, they indicate to the world that their hearts are set to live together in harmony.
7. HOMAM
A particular sect of people perform Agni Hothram and Oupaasanam daily. Since these people do their daily ritual with the fire, homam (which is also done with the help of fire) also became part of the wedding rituals. They considered the fire (Agni) as one of the witnesses for the marriage. Generally, fire as the witness symbolizes the heat in our body. As long as that body fire (heat) is alive, we should not separate from each other and the body heat is the witness for our vow. This is the whole idea of the homam. Fire as a witness was adopted by Tamilians at a very latter date.
8. SAPTHAPADHI
Sapthapadhi means taking seven steps together. This is considered to be the most important in a wedding function. Some consider this as more important than Maangalya Dhaaranam.
If one follows seven steps with another person, it is considered as a confirmation of their eternal friendship. [In olden times, when they give a send off to somebody undertaking a pilgrimage, they use to follow the vehicle (horse or bullock drawn) for seven feet.] Proclaiming to the world that the groom and the bride will keep up their friendship for life and also partake equally in both good and bad times in life is the whole idea behind Sapthapathi.
The meaning of the manthraas chanted during Sapthapadhi is summarized below.
1. Let the first step you take be with full of emotions.
2. Let the second step be with full of valor and strength.
3. Let the third step be for disciplined and controlled life.
4. Let the life together be a comfortable one.
5. Let the life be full of desirable wealth.
6. Let the seasons (nature) be good to you.
7. The seventh step symbolizes that the couple declare that they aspire for all the above for a happy,
married life together
They further vow that if you are Rig Veda, let me be the Sama Veda. If you are Booloka(earth), let me be the heaven. If I am bright, you wear the rays from my brilliance. If I am the mind, you are the word. So, please come and join me. Let us give a very good progeny to this world. This declaration is the whole theme behind Sapthapadhi.
9. LOOKING AT DHRUVA AND ARUNDHADHI STARS
In the middle of the milky way (Saptha Rishi Mandalam), Arundhadhi is a subtle star. At the bottom of the milky way, the brightest star called Dhruva is located. In english, it is called the Pole Star. The Pole Star remains stationary at the same place irrespective of the earth's movement.
The saptha rishis representing the milky way are 1. Kasyapar, 2. Athri, 3. Bharadwaajar, 4. Viswaamitrar, 5. Gauthamar, 6. Jamathagni and 7.Vasishtar. The wives of saptha rishis are known as Krithika. The other six krithika consider Arundhadhi as the Pathivrathaa Sironmani.thus by seeing the Arundhadhi star, it is believed that the bride will be as chaste as Arundhadhi. So, the groom is supposed to show the Star to the bride.
10. MANGALA AARTHI
At the conclusion of the marriage function, they take Mangala Aarthi for the wedded couple. In this they mix lime and turmeric powder in water and take it around the couple three times. This is supposed to ward off any evil cast on the couple.
This concludes the brief description of marriage rituals according to Vedaas under Braahmam system.
TAMILNAADU WEDDINGS ACCORDING TO MANU DHARMA SHAASTHRA
1. Kaasi Yaathrai, 2. Kannikaadhanam (giving away the bride), 3. Maangalya Dhaaranam, 4. Maalai Matrudhal (exchanging garlands), 5. Sapthapadhi and 6. Poriyidal (offering of puffed rice in the homam) are all the part of our marriage function, according to Manu Dharma Shaasthraas) with certain changes in the vedic manthraas.
The function is normally conducted in a big Pandhal (an open air tent). For erecting this Pandhal, they install four bamboo poles at four corners of the Pandhal. Four Vedaas are symbolized in these four bamboo poles.
The main priest who conducts the whole proceedings of the marriage rituals and formalities symbolizes Brahma, the creator.
The various stages/steps in a wedding in Tamil Naadu is given briefly in the following paragraphs.
1. Sri Vigneswara Pooja - On any auspicious occasion, it is customary to pray Lord Ganesaa (Vigneswara , Maha Ganapathi, Vinayaka are the other names by which Lord Ganesaa is called) for a smooth and uninterrupted proceedings of the function.
2. Punyaahavaachanam - Prayer to Lord Varuna to purify the water and other materials we use during the marriage celebration.
3. Arasaanikkaal Nadal - Five elderly married ladies offer prayer to a branch of the Arasu (Holy Fig tree) tree, and tie sacred raksha (protection from all evils) to the bride and the groom. The groom and the bride are also given new clothes to wear.
4. Kaasi Yaathrai - As described earlier. Some people prefer to pray Lord Vinayaka instead of Kaasi Yaathrai.
5. Mana Pongal - Offering Pongal (rice pudding) in five plantain (banana) leaves - In South India it is customary to eat on a banana leaf. In modern days, these leaves are substituted by the dinner plates.
6. Pooja to Sacred Waters - Five beautifully designed earthen ware pots are filled with water. The water in these pots are symbolic of the waters from the holy rivers in India. Prayer is offered to these waters.
7. Upaveetha Dhaaranam (wearing the sacred thread)- The groom and the father of the bride are inducted into wearing the sacred thread. Any one who is doing an auspicious thing must wear the sacred thread first, irrespective of the caste. Then only they are entitled to partake in the rituals. Some follow the tradition of wearing a raksha (kaappu) after the upaveetha dhaaranam.
8. Kannikaadhaanam (Giving away the bride) - The person giving the bride away introduces the bride with a brief introduction of her genealogy (of three generations). Similarly, the person accepting the bride introduces the groom with his side of genealogy (of three generations). Then the father or the person giving the bride away hands over the bride (with three drops of water) to the groom. The water drops are symbolic of the transfer of total responsibility of the bride to the groom.
9. Paada Pooja - The groom does prayer at the feet of his parents (pranaams) to get their blessings for a happy and prosperous married life.
10. Kaappu Kattudhal (Raksha Bhandan) - The groom ties a Kaappu (Raksha - a sacred yellow thread) on the left hand of the bride. This is for the protection of the bride from all evils.
11. Maangalya Pooja - The Maangalyam is considered sequel to Goddess Lakshmi (Goddess of wealth). The Maangalyam is worshipped first with a small pooja and shown to the audience individually to get their blessings.
12. Maangalya Dhaaranam - As described earlier.
13. Homam - Described earlier
14. Sapthapadhi - described earlier
15. Poriyidal - offering of puffed rice in the homam.
16. Aasirvaatham - People who are older than the groom sprinkle Akshadai (rice mixed with turmeric powder) on the couple and give their blessings.
17. The priest unties the Kaappu from the groom's hand and the groom unties from the bride's hand.
18. Mangala Aarthi - described earlier.
MARRIAGE AS DONE IN ANDHRA PRADESH
1. The parents of the groom do the Vigneswara Pooja and punyahavaachanam first. Then they tie the raksha to the groom and do the Samavarthanam (as described earlier). The groom gets ready for Kaasi Yaathrai.
2. The bride does Sri Gowri pooja and gets ready to come to the altar.
3. The groom goes for Kaasi Yathrai. The bride's brother requests the groom to take the hands of his sister in marriage and settle in life, instead of going to Kaasi (Banaras or Varanasi). Sweet (or jaggery) is then given to the groom.
4. The groom is then invited to come to the altar.
5. At the altar, a screen is placed in front of the groom and the bride is brought on the other side of the altar.
6. A small portion of a powdered mixture of cumin seeds and jaggery on a small leaf is placed on the heads of the bride and the groom. The priest recites a manthraa called "Choornikai" and removes the screen between the couple.
7. Kannikaadhaanam - giving the bride away. (as described earlier)
8. Madhubarkham - The bride is given the Muhurtha Saree (the wedding dress).
9. Maangalya Dhaaranam - When the bride comes back in the wedding dress (muhurtha saree), maangalya dhaaranam is done.
10. Sapthapadhi - as described earlier
11. Akshadaaropanam - The couple are seated facing each other and a bowl of rice (uncooked) is placed between them. The groom puts some rice on the bride's head three times reciting three manthraas. Then the couple alternately put the rice on each other's head till the bowl is empty.
12. A small game - The couple are seated facing each other as before and a bowl of water is placed between them. A ring or a conch is put in the water. The couple are then asked to take out the object. This is played three times. Some believe that if the ring/conch is picked up by the bride first, then the couple's first baby will be a girl. If it is picked up by the groom first then their first born will be a boy.
13. Arundhadhi seeing - as described earlier.
14. Mangala Aarthi
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